Those whispers at lunchtime, the group who go quiet when you walk in the room – we’ve all experienced that office work clique – the group of people who only interact with one another and leave certainother people out if they don’t fit in. It can impact a workplace in so many ways, yet it can be hard to do something about it.
We all know the office clique….the crowd of people who meet to chat and don’t include you in the conversation if you’re not…like them. Lunchtimes walking in the staff room and sitting with people who not only ignore you, but stop the conversation abruptly as if you’ve told them their dog has died.
It can feel very isolating.
And, since work is where you spend most of your time, isolated an left out is the last thing you want to be made to feel. In turn, it’s nice to get at little bit of respect from your colleagues, too.
Most of us can relate to that gut-wrenching feeling from a group of people who make it clear you’re not ‘part’ of their group.
The dreaded clique.
These groups can strike anywhere and cause all sorts of workplace barriers, conflicts and toxic energy.
So what’s the best way of dealing with them so that it doesn’t stop you hating your job?
Here are some tips to manage clique groups at work:
Be friendly – but you don’t have to be friends
No matter how cold or rude they’re coming across, be friendly – even if they ignore you, It says more about them than it does about you. By being pleasant, you’re demonstrating that you’re professional and friendly, as well as adaptable to others.
If they’re friendly back, all the better, but that doesn’t mean you need to become friends – why would you want to be friends with people who exclude others?
Handy tip: If you’re unsure of what to say, pay someone in the group a compliment. These always make people feel good, can be unexpected and can help break the ice.
Avoid the gossip
It can be tempting to listen in to their gossip, especially if you want to try and be part of their group, but it’s never a good idea.
It can also be tempting to tell the office clique something you know that will get their attention on you. The boss’ new partner, the cute IT technician – it would make you very popular if you shared something they didn’t know.
But what would seem great in one moment might not do you any favours long-term.
It won’t be so great if you want that promotion in the future.
Handy tip: Listen in, but busy yourself with a task on your computer so that you’re not at any point tempted to join in. This way, you get to know the gossip, but not CREATE the gossip.
Get involved in team projects
Getting involved with a one-off project or task your boss has asked people to volunteer for, can be a great idea. Not only will it make you stand out as someone who takes on extra projects, it’s also a healthy way of getting to know other staff members – including part of the office clique. This way, you can get to know individuals when they’re away from the group.
So, when the boss asks staff to volunteer for a project, such as sorting out the Christmas party, put your hand up and go ahead!
Handy tip: Make extra effort to get to know individuals you end up working with. Without their clique, they may be completely different, and it will help ease any tension between you.
Don’t Be Intimidated
The clique group don’t often speak to others outside of their group. I recall it being very intimidating to approach somebody in the group to ask them a question – they were rude and made you feel like you were beyond them.
You’re not – remember that.
It’s their insecurities, their problem. Unfortunately, people who become part of the clique show they’re not well-rounded enough to speak with different people.
Unlike you, who knows plenty of people in your company, speaks to everyone and is quite content being on your own, as well as in a group. You don’t need to be part of a clique to feel secure in yourself and that’s a very good thing.
Make Friends With the Clique Members
When the clique members are on their own, you may find that they act differently. When not surrounded in their usual group, it can be easier to start a conversation or to break the ice a bit. Once you’ve done this with one person, the next time you see them in their group, you can say hello and they may introduce you to others in the group. Again, this doesn’t mean you have to become friends and join the group, but by at least becoming on friendly terms with some of the group, you won’t feel so secluded or that the group has such a negative impact on you at work.
Handy tip: Think of something you’re good at in work and offer to help somebody if they’re struggling. I once helped a clique member with formatting a document and this helped ease up struggling conversation between us.
As a clique member, often they don’t generally speak to many people outside of their group and tend to group together often. Then there’s you, who doesn’t have a set group and instead has colleagues from different departments that you speak to and get on with.
Feel proud that you’re a rounded enough person that you can create positive and healthy relationships with people from different backgrounds.
Handy tip: You can always share your feelings about the clique with someone you trust. This will help to unload your feelings and, you never know, there may be others who feel the same way!
Ask the Boss for Team Building and Conflict Resolution
When it feels like you’re trying to make inroads with the clique but getting nowhere, you can feel at a dead-end. Even though you’re doing all you can to be friendly, professional and get on with your work, you may still feel like the negativity emitting from the clique is really bugging you. It may even cause you to be less productive in your work.
Try speaking with your manager about the situation and how it’s making you feel. If your manager’s good at their job, what they should already be doing is taking actions to get different staff members to work together, and organising team building workshops and similar time out from work for staff to mingle and strengthen their relationships.
However, if you feel like this just isn’t happening, it may be worth asking for this from your manager.
Handy tip: If you’re feeling brave enough, you can try asserting yourself by confronting one of the clique members in the midst of their inappropriate conversation or comments about somebody else. You can do this in a professional way in front of one or two other staff members. This tells them that what they’re saying isn’t right, but in a constructive and professional way and might even make them think twice next time.
The clique group doesn’t need to be a group that stops you from succeeding at work or in your career, but there are ways of managing the issues so that you can get on positively in your job.